BOARDED, POKED N PLUNDERED: She looked me straight in me one good eye, and commanded…. “Drop yer trousers and prepare to be boarded.”

“Aye, Aye Sir, ” sez I……. “er  Doc.”

And so began the first of several examinations to determine what was rotten in me bilges.

Over the coming weeks I would be floppin about in me emotions like a fish out of water.  I was made to swallow vile concoctions of various nefarious brews, and placed on strange cold machines of unknown intent. First it was for the scanning of me bones, rapidly followed up by CT and X-ray bombardments of me carcass, and of course more bloodletting.

{Capt’n s Log} Reader please note. Recently the VA has been malingered over its practices. At no time during my journey at the Viera VA Clinic did I encounter anything of the sort.

In fact I would like to Recognize DR. G, my Primary Care, DR. H. my Urologist, and all the nurses, lab techs, PA’s who exhibited nothing but professional care and concern.

All of them took extra steps to see me through this time of crisis, explaining medical terms and making sure I knew my options. BZ to a fine crew.

NOW BACK TO THE ADVENTURE:

We be a ship adrift, sailing into the towering storm clouds. It is now necessary to parlay with the Urology PA, to find a much needed course for the ship. Arriving on deck with introductions concluded. Yep you guessed it, bend over, cough…. Ok OK, you get me drift.

Then after sizing me up, she made her judgment known. “Ye have two choices me lad. Walk the Plank (walk away and ignore the problem), or tis the rack for you. (get a biopsy).” With the wind taken out of me sails, I Choose….the rack.

Late July, sailing into uncharted waters, I receive a signal to meet with Dr. H, who will introduce me to the rack.    Same intro… yep bend over….

Sweating bullets, I was asked to climb up onto the rack (Table), no restraints and no rum given.

The Doc states, you’ll only feel a gentle prick as the probe is positioned and the flogging commences,  (firing a needle dart) into yer bilges and prostate.

Please do not flinch or move……..

FIRE ONE: off the table I came!, 10 shots, 10 direct hits, and 10 manly flinches later….. its done. I have withstood and have not fainted from the rack or the flogging.

NOW GIVE ME THE RUM!

TO BE CONTINUED

NEXT WEEK:..SHIPWRECKED AND MAROONED